Readers across the world are in love with author Sally Carmichael's series of romance novels that chronicle the epic love story between a human girl and a merman. But no one knows that Sally Carmichael is really Simon Hayes, a bitter, serious novelist - and Simon would like to keep it that way. When he is forced to meet a movie star about the movie adaptation, his life of anonymity starts to crumble.

In the not too distant future nincompoops are in charge, free thinkers are locked up, and some believe Bigfoot controls the major TV networks with a hat he constructed from windshield wiper blades. Intrepid woman chaser, Scott Vicious, and revolutionary madman, Franklin Musclewhite, may be America's last hope.