Returning for his fifth year of study at Hogwarts, Harry is stunned to find that his warnings about the return of Lord Voldemort have been ignored. Left with no choice, Harry takes matters into his own hands, training a small group of students to defend themselves against the dark arts.

Nick, a Greek Cypriot living in London, hits on the idea of marriage to raise some cash - the bride, according to custom, coming complete with dowry. He is forced to enlist the help of a childhood adversary, Maria. Soon realising she is giving him the runaround, Nick retaliates by wooing her.