Charlie and Dan have been best friends and business partners for thirty years; their Manhattan public relations firm is on the verge of a huge business deal with a Japanese company. With two weeks to sew up the contract, Dan gets a surprise: a woman he married on a drunken impulse nearly nine years before (annulled the next day) shows up to tell him he's the father of her twins, now seven, and she'll be in jail for 14 days for a political protest. Dan volunteers to keep the tykes, although he's up tight and clueless. With Charlie's help is there any way they can be dad and uncle, meet the kids' expectations, and still land the account?

Unemployed John goes to a bar, where he meets Sofia, who mistakes him for a trust-fund brat and offers her sexual services for money. John doesn't bother to dispel Sofia's misconceptions and accepts her invitation to get stoned. As Sofia and John pass "the most expensive chocolate shop in the world," both are captivated by the cakes in the windows. He is stunned when the amount comes to $42.50. On the Brooklyn Bridge, Sofia shares a traumatic incident from her past in which her drug dealer boyfriend was murdered in front of her and she was raped by the killers. Recomposing herself, Sofia leaves and John, in his drugged state, devours the cakes.

A security guard working at a horror convention in a hotel falls asleep on the job. While asleep the security guard fantasizes about three luscious scream queens who are guests at the horror convention. The sexy trio all take individual turns attempting to seduce him by performing stripteases in front of him in his erotic dreams in which he transforms into various different monsters.