Andy Van Allen, former hero of a cult 80s futuristic TV show Children of Castor, is now working as a hotel porter. When Andy recieves an ususual offer - the Children of Castor fan club organising a cruise around the Greek islands with him as the prinicipal celebrity - a combination of Andy's cynicism, his fans' adoration, a misguided sexual encounter and an unexpected reunion with his more famous co-star, Nick Lee, ensure the paradise cruise is far from plain sailing.

Our narrator looks fondly back at his childhood in Liverpool and the antics of his best friend Johnno. Well known for being a showman and a keen one for joking and the like, Johnno starts to change for the worse after he announced that his father has died.