The country that gave the world football has since delivered a painful pattern of loss. Why can’t England’s men win at their own game? With the worst track record for penalties in the world, Gareth Southgate knows he needs to open his mind and face up to the years of hurt, to take team and country back to the promised land.

A Very British Cult tells the story of David, a cult leader with a problem. He knows Jesus is returning but he forgot to confirm the date. His disciples are leaving in droves for another cult in Dorset with better facilities, his wife is thinking of leaving him and his remaining followers are more interested in Chocolate Hob-Nobs than the Almighty. But God is about to send David a message, if only he can figure out what it means?