Two inept crusaders almost sabotage the christians' plan to conquer Jerusalem.

Franco consults a psychoanalyst due to a series of nightmares that constantly haunt him. The doctor prescribes a very special treatment for the patient: an intense love life. The man's wife, aware that she is part of the problem, decides to get a facial and to meet her husband in disguise.

The evil crime syndicate Thanatos is bent on taking over the world, using a magnetic wave generator that will cause all metal-based machinery to grind to a halt. However, the well-known British secret agent normally assigned to such tasks isn't available, so they engage his civilian brother, Neil, to help. Neil, played by Neil Connery, is a world-class plastic surgeon, hypnotist, and lip-reader, which turn out to be precisely the skills required for thwarting Thanatos.

In the late 1800's, Sicilians Franco and Ciccio are serving 20 years of prison for stealing two mules, when they are helped to escape by an American who says he is a friend of their grandfathers, who were killed in Texas by a gang of bandits who wanted to take over their gold mine. The two friends travel to America to take posses of the gold mine, but they soon discover that they are not the only ones who want it.

A middle-aged man meets a young woman who is waiting on a canal bridge for her lover's return.