Captain Crowther's lot is not a happy one! Five of his crew have to be replaced and at such short notice before the voyage begins there isn't much to choose from. Not only does he get the five most incompetent shipmates ever to sail the seven seas, but the passengers turn out to be a rather strange bunch too. The SS Happy Wanderer will never be the same.

A writer attempts to raise some cash by writing a book about the Loch Ness Monster. No publisher will take it because they all think there isn't really a monster. The writer and some of his friends make a fake monster and take photographs and then travel to Scotland to see if they can convince the locals.